Resilience in the Face of Hard Times

On a Sunday morning in late November of 2022, I found myself in downtown OTR, lying on a wet Race Street, stunned and in excruciating pain. I had just attempted to take a left turn onto Liberty Street, and my 150cc scooter had just slipped out from beneath me and crushed my left knee. My only thought at that moment was, “This is not what I need right now. …” The MRI the next day revealed the following about my left knee: a complete ACL rupture, a high-grade tear of my MCL, tears in my meniscus, fractures of my fibula and tibial heads, and a great deal of swelling that needed to be drained. And while I was fortunate to have a supportive community (family, friends, and colleagues), solid health insurance, and a great care team that was able to surgically repair my knee the following week, I still recall hearing the following thought echoing in my mind: “This is not what I need right now. …”

At some point in our lives, we all find ourselves experiencing “Hard Times.” Not too many years ago, we all experienced the Hard Times of the COVID pandemic that shuttered schools, businesses, and life as we knew it. I know for certain that we all contemplated the statement, “This is not what I need right now.” We read about people and communities who continue to experience incredibly Hard Times that we would prefer not to notice: war, famine, gun violence, etc. I am sure that the statement, “This is not what I need right now,” has been voiced by many Ukrainians as Russian forces continue to invade their homeland. I have worked with countless Middle School students who, having been shunned by their peers for no apparent reason, have muttered through their tears and sobs, “This is not what I need right now!” And I know that Middle Schoolers also have the uncanny ability to act in ways that cause both their parents and teachers to utter under their breath, “This is not what I need right now.” How are we, as sentient beings, supposed to cope with so many obstacles that prevent us from living the lives that we truly desire?

In her January 2022 New York Times article, “How To Build Resilience In Hard Times,” Jane Brody notes that many humans “call upon an age-old characteristic that enables us to weather adversity: resilience.” Indeed, the word resilience has become popular in our modern-day culture and has taken on many other names: grit, perseverance, courage, etc. Whatever you choose to call it, the ability to “roll with the punches” has been a Darwinian characteristic that has empowered humans to survive seemingly insurmountable odds. Brody cites the work of Pauline Boss, professor emeritus at the University of Minnesota and author of her 2021 book, “The Myth of Closure,” who notes that “if you’re brittle, you’ll break” when faced with life’s slings and arrows. I feel that being able to emotionally “bend” and not “break” is the essential quality that allows us to march forward when we have experienced things that we truly haven’t expected at a given moment.

Far too many of us expect that once a crisis is over, things will return to “normal.” Working with Middle School students for many decades, I intimately know that there is no such thing as “normal,” as Middle Schoolers are constantly changing by their very nature. While my heart always breaks when a Middle Schooler privately shares with me, “I wish things would just go back to how they were,” after losing a friendship, I wish they had the gift of age and perspective: things change. Boss challenges the concept of normalcy, stating that “Normal implies status quo, but things are always changing, and if you don’t change, you don’t grow … we have to be flexible, resilient enough to bend in order to survive. And we will survive, but our lives will be forever changed.” Indeed, as the Buddha noted, “Nothing is permanent except change.” Until we realize this fact, we won’t be able to positively respond to the daily obstacles that make life appear, at times, both difficult and challenging.

While philosophically musing on the sayings of the Buddha can be intellectually comforting, especially when disaster isn’t currently knocking on our doors, how do we find ways to actively move forward and cultivate resilience to weather the changes that will inevitably come our way? In her book, Boss references the work of Dr. Viktor Frankl, the Austrian neurologist, author, psychiatrist, and Holocaust survivor: “When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” Boss goes on to offer several practical ways we can nurture resilience in order to adapt to the changes (both good and bad) that will inevitably come our way:

• Find Meaning — when we can’t make sense of a challenge or loss, find ways to take some type of action: seek justice, work for a cause, demonstrate to right a wrong. 
• Rebuild Identity — when our circumstances change, find ways to adopt a new identity that provides meaning and purpose: explore new friendships, take on a new hobby, or do what you truly love. 
• Discover New Hope — when we have lost something or someone, begin to hope for something new that allows us to move forward: take action and create new connections that minimize isolation and foster support. 

At the heart of these ways to nurture resilience is the simple truth that things will never return to the way they once were in the past. They simply won’t. We must take action and chart a new way forward. This is especially hard for Middle Schoolers, as they are entering a period in their lives where there is so much change that they never expected. Our entire Middle School program is built around this truth: change happens. We work to provide Middle Schoolers the opportunity to try on new identities, discover new ways of thinking about age-old ideas, and to take action against current global challenges and issues. At the heart of all we do is our effort to create resilient young citizens who will feel empowered when confronted with Hard Times.

Knowing that I did recover from knee injury several years ago, I then set my sights on rebuilding my own identity, striving for a newer version of myself: Bill 2.0, Jedi Master, and Speed Walker!